How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.


Thank you. Tip your waitress!

The Marxist-Socialist’s mother is so fat, that when the Marxist-Socialist’s mother laments stagflation, she actually stagflates.

It is 2a.m. and a quiet night at Mr. Novak's house. Suddenly the doorbell rings.
Who's there?!" asks Mr. Novak sleepily.
Mailman. "I've got an express wire for you."
Mr. Novak naively opens the door.
Two guys with pistols enter the room and say that they are State Police agents investigating why Mr. Novak has applied for an emigration passport: "Look, Novak, you have a flat, you are reasonably paid for your work, you have a car and a summer house, you have a dollar account in the bank. Why the hell do you want to emigrate, and to New Zealand, of all places?"
Well, you see," explains Mr. Novak, "in New Zealand you cannot be awakened at 2a.m. by a mailman with an express wire..."

A man in the USSR is standing in line for meat, and after awhile, becomes very angry and tells his friend, "I've had it. I'm going to go and kill Gorbachev."
After awhile, the man comes back. "What happened?" asked his friend. "The line's longer over there."

A pollster asks an American, a Russian, and a Czech: "What is your opinion about standing in line for meat?"
The American says: "What do you mean, 'standing in line'?"
The Russian says: "What do you mean, 'meat'?"
The Czech says: "What do you mean, 'think'?"

At the 1980 Olympics in Moscow, the crowd hushed as Leonid Brezhnev stood up and began his opening speech:
Oh---Oh---Oh---Oh . . ." said Brezhnev
At the fourth "Oh", an aide tapped him on the shoulder and said: "Don't read that, it's the Olympic logo."

Q: How am I supposed to tell if a plane in the sky is Soviet or Chinese?
A: If it is actually flying, then it's Soviet.

Soviet jokes, during Stalin's purges:

It is midnight, when Ivan wakes to a furious pounding on his apartment's door. He opens it and sees two burly NKVD agents standing in the hall.
" You are under arrest for betraying Comrade Stalin and the Great Soviet People!", one thunders.
Ivan rolls his eyes and says, " You got the wrong room. The communists live upstairs."

" I love Comrade Stalin. Bury him here as soon as possible."- epitath on a Ukranian gravestone